so sick and tired of being sick and tired

well i'm feelin' tired today and awfully sick, i don't even feel like going to work. my head is aching like hell eventhough i already took some med. this morning I was thinking about marvin, yes the guy from my marvin the martian post. I was thinking what if i didn't became a stupid bitch at those times when we were still together then may be, i guess may be he's still mine up to this day. but i know i can't turn back time. He was the very reason why i ruined my life seven years ago. I thought losing him would be my end...end...end. then i started to forgot about everything that matters to me, i became drunk almost always, stoned at times and yes I was able to forgot about myself but not about marvin. I forgot how to love myself because i became so busy occupying myself with so many things so as i could forget him but i wasn't able to reach my goal. I woke up one day and found out that my life's already a hell of a mess. I've been living in hell for a couple of years I guess. then i said to myself that i really need to fix this broken life, if not whole even a part of it. so i've changed some things but one thing's for sure he remains to be a part of me.