"Nothing last forever...so live it up, drink it down, laugh it off and avoid the bullshits."

Wednesday, December 31, 2008


2008 - it felt like I've been through a hurricane this year and surprisingly i came out of it alive. i can no longer even recall how I've managed to stay alive and what motivates me to still hold on to the rope when my hands kept on slipping.

January - my first new year away from home and away from my family, quite sad but i'm with friends and we're definitely on the same boat. enjoyed watching fireworks display near it park in lahug.

February - received a dozen red roses which i don't need and chocolates too. been on a very complicated situation.

March - been receiving threats. been struggling to get out of the mess i've made.

April - stayed focus and reminded myself that the decisions I've made were the best, so i do not have to worry about anything else. met new interesting wacky people, said goodbye to some. found out that my ex-boyfriend who's close to my family just got a girl pregnant and he was force to marry her.

May - team building @ badian. enjoyed the summer heat. company summer outing, night out with my best buddies, and of course my birthday. shared a chocolate cake with the team since i was on duty. received a call from JC asking me to forget about the guy i've been eyeing. i didn't listen.

June - finally realized how in love i am to this guy who is beyond my reach. I've got the courage and told him about it. same month when i was rejected by the same guy. rejection hurts like hell. got so drunk in a bar with ladin, met a cool guy (5 feet, 9 inches tall, chinito, good family background, cute) who lent me his hanky while I've ejected all of the contents of my stomach through my mouth.

July - tried so hard to move on, entertained a suitor (the guy who lent me his hanky), party like hell.

August - got my new baby... a yin yang tattoo on my upper back. still partying like hell, experienced a riot with empty beer bottles flying through the air during one night out. rejected the guy who lent me his hanky. i don't wanna use him to move on because I'm still in love with the guy who rejected me.

September - family problems involving my sister.

October - been haunted by my past. cried a river and realized that it is not necessary to explain myself to other people because the person who likes me doesn't need it and the person who dislikes me wont believe it.

November - haven't move on a bit though i was told to do so. entertained some more suitors. party some more. been dancing like no one's watching.

December - complained about the w/tax that has been deducted to my 13-month pay. turn out it was due to the bonuses i've received through out the year. got someone to finally fix my eyebrows. bought a little black dress and heels for our company's red carpet theme xmas party. received an award from our company for being a tough agent (lol). bought a nice little dress from ukay2x (so so love it). i finally got to wear the tube dress that i bought last year. got a working pc at home with internet. finally gave up on entertaining suitors. still haven't move on, even a bit. still, so in love to this guy who makes fun of me whenever i get startled by something...

i've been a friend to those in need. gave advises when needed. a bitch to some. a woman who needs protection at times. a lady who's not afraid to be alone. a funny girl to many. to sum it up, it's indeed a very challenging year. just another year which proves that my life still suckz but it ain't that boring that i get to enjoy every minute of it.

au revoir 2008, hello 2009.


Wednesday, December 24, 2008

all i want for christmas

christmas, oh WTF! it is supposed to be my most favorite time of the year but not this year i guess. im f*cked up, so f*cked up that i just wanna skip the holiday season...just wanna sleep and hopefully wake up the next month. this time it really sucks and i hate it!


Thursday, November 27, 2008

you may call me weird

my title says it all...i'm weird (read as: not normal...lol). try to imagine this: i've watched harold and kumar escape from guantanamo bay about a couple of months ago and believe it or not, i've cried. like totally cried, specially when Kumar recited the poem by David Feinberg near the end of the movie.

i actually don't mind being weird because being normal isn't half as fun as not being normal. i just love the way i am!

square root of three

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

-David Feinberg

a little something from wiki:
Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay is the 2008 comedy film sequel to the 2004 film, Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle. John Cho and Kal Penn reprise their roles as the eponymous stoner duo, along with Paula Garcés as Harold's love interest, Maria.[2] Neil Patrick Harris also returns as a satirical version of himself.


Immediately following the events of the first film, Harold Lee and Kumar Patel fly to Amsterdam so Harold can pursue a budding romance with his neighbor. At the beginning of the movie, it shows Harold packing for the trip while Kumar is masturbating. They arrive at the airport and Kumar creates trouble while going through security in order to get weed on the plane. The pair run into Vanessa, Kumar's ex-girlfriend, and her fiancée Colton, at the airport. Harold and Kumar board the plane, and mid-flight, an old woman sees Kumar lighting his new invention, a smokeless bong. She mistakes it for a bomb, and screams "terrorist!" Air marshals immediately detain both, and the plane returns to Washington, where Ron Fox, a neurotic undersecretary of Homeland Security, sends them to the Guantanamo Bay detention camp. They escape, and decide to travel to Texas in search of Colton, with hopes that he will be able to help them through his father, who is connected with several high political officials.

The film follows the same path as its predecessor, putting Harold and Kumar in a series of quirky vignettes, usually centered around themes of drugs, sex, and racism. Neil Patrick Harris returns as his drug-addled, womanizing parody of himself.

After being betrayed by Colton and jumping out of a plane, the pair falls through the ceiling of President George W. Bush's home in Texas, where the President is hiding from Dick Cheney. After bonding over marijuana, the President pardons the pair and sends the Secret Service to help them. Harold and Kumar arrive at the wedding just in time to stop it, revealing Colton's true nature. Enraged, Colton attacks Kumar, but Harold levels him. Vanessa is angry at Kumar for embarrassing her at the wedding, but forgives him when he recites the poem that he had been writing on the day they met, but was too embarrassed to share with her until now. The three leave the wedding, heading to Amsterdam, where Harold finds Maria. The movie ends with everyone enjoying the city and its offerings.


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

the road to happiness is no longer under repair

i don't know why I'm acting kinda strange these days... i just woke up one day and there's already this new found hope in me. i thought i belong to those pessimistic people who would rather think of negative thoughts than pretend that hope still exist. But i guess not today, i felt different today. It feels like I've been abducted for 2 days by some people who has been working for a secret agency then i was brought to a laboratory where they have studied my brain and i have been injected with something that causes me to wake up one morning with hope in me (this is a sign that I've been watching too much fictional series at home...hehehe). though i already got this new-found-hope kind of thing going on in me I'm still quite confuse. still have a lot of questions left unanswered, so many that i promise to blog about it one of these days. Am i just too dumb to figure things out on my own? or am i doing this on purpose? trying so hard not to figure things out so i will remain impregnable because the truth hurts and it sucks and there are already a lot of fucking things going on around me and may be i can no longer afford to take another non-sense bullshit. i don't know...really don't know.

you might be wondering why the road to happiness is no longer under repair. well, that's because people from DPWH (Department of Public Works and Highways) are done with their job. *wink* it simply means that i chose to be happy, 'cause i believe that i deserved to be...i just stop thinking about what will happen next, as long as i love him and I'm loving him right then that's something to be happy about. currently enjoying the joy ride...lol


Tuesday, November 18, 2008

The Boyfriend Every Girl Wants

got this post from this link.
just wanna share...

The boyfriend every girl wants,
Read till the end!

When she repos​t this bulletin - [she wants​ you to read it]
When she walks​ away from you mad - [Follow​ her]
When she stare​'​​​s at your mouth​ - [Kiss her]
When she pushes you or hit'​​​s you - [Grab her and don't​ let go]
When she start​'​​​s cursing at you - [Kiss her]
When she ignores​ you - [Give her your awareness]​​​
When she pulls​ away - [Pull her back]
When you see her at her worst​ - [Tell her she'​​​s gorgeous]
When you see her start​ weeping - [​​​Just hold her and don't​ say a word]
When you see her walking - [Sneak​ up and hug her waist​ from behind]
When she'​​​s scare​d - [Protect her]
When she lay'​​​s her head on your shoulder - [Tilt her head up and kiss her]
When she steal​'​​​s your favor​ite hat - [Let her keep it and sleep​ with it for a night​]​​​
When she tease​'​​​s you - [Tease​ her back and make her laugh ]
When she doesn't​ answer​ for a long time - [reassure her that everything​ is okay]
When she looks​ at you with doubt​ - [Back yours​elf up with the TRUTH​]​​​
When she grab'​​​s at your hands​ - [Hold her'​​​s and play with her fingers]
When she bump'​​​s into you - [bump into her back and make her laugh ]
When she tells​ you a secret​ - [keep it safe and untold]
When she looks​ at you in your eyes - [don't​ look away until​ she does]

- Stay on the phone​ with her even if she's​ not saying​ anything​
-​​​DON'​​​T let her have the last word
-​​​DON'​​​T call her hot, But elegant ​ or attractive is so much better

- Argue​ that she is the best girl ever
- When she'​​​s mad hug her tight​ and don'​​​t let go
- When she says she'​​​s ok don't​ believe it, talk with her
- because 10 years later​ she'll remember you

- Treat​ her like she'​​​s all that matters to you
- Tease​ her and let her tease​ you back
- Watch​ her favorite movie​ with her or her favorite show even if you think​ its stupid
- Let her wear your clothes
- When she'​​​s bored​ and sad, hang out with her
- Let her know she'​​​s important
- Kiss her in the pouring​ rain


Sunday, November 16, 2008

i already know

I already know you've been playing me cheating on the low but my heart can't take it anymore. It's been hurting me but I won't let it show...I already know!!!


Tuesday, October 28, 2008

hoping that santa is a blogger too

dear santa,

when i was a child i would always hang my socks on the stairs of my lolo and lola's house during christmas eve, hoping to see lots of chocolates the next day i woke up. also days before christmas my mama would always asked us to write letters for our wishes and it has been addressed to you, i just don't know if it has really been sent. it has always been like that and i have always believed that it was you, until i caught the culprits. it was my lola and my mama...how sweet of them to do that. my lola already passed away 8 years ago. i've stopped hanging socks and at some point in my life i've stopped believing in you.

i am now 24, i've graduated from college, got a job, been through a lot of failed relationships and here i am writing this letter to you. i would love to believe that i can still be a child again and i can still write you a letter of my wishes for this christmas. but this time i will no longer ask for a barbie doll or a life size doll that can dance. though my wishes are no longer that simple, im still hoping you'll give it a chance (this is me being optimistic).

below are the list of my wishes for this christmas:
-i wish for you to take out the gland on my eyes that releases water (i don't know what it's called and wasn't able to google it)... though crying can be a relief at times but i've already grown tired of it

-don't know if this is possible but i would love to have a heart of steel. one which can no longer feel anything.

-i wanted to die when i reach 35, growing old is just not for me, so so not for me and i still don't have the reason why i should grow that old

if the above wishes are not valid then how bout a man instead, who will accept and love me for who i am. someone who's brave enough to love me and will take care of me...naahhhh sound so boring...hehehe...

i was just kidding, candies and chocolates will still do but it would also be nice if it is with an Aston Martin Vanquish...lol.

kinda naughty but still nice,

im hoping that santa is also into blogging and hopefully would happen to stumble upon this post.


Thursday, October 23, 2008

per request

this is a text message from warren. warren by the way is my soon to be brother-in-law and
the soon to be daddy of my younger sister's baby.

here's the text message i received from him last October 19, 2008 at exactly 2:35 in the afternoon.

"the best part of being in love is when you just love a person and be happy about it, even if that person can never be yours, even if you know that it can't last forever! that's the true essence of love. it's not about winning someone. it's not about owning a relationship. it's just about being happy coz you know you've loved someone. it's about being guiltless coz you know you didn't take away someone from anybody. you just love and love unselfishly".

yeah, i know it's shitty, but damn...it's worth it!


Sunday, October 12, 2008

chasing amy

I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't, I can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are.


Saturday, October 4, 2008


stop (stp)
v. stopped, stop·ping, stops
1. To cease moving, progressing, acting, or operating; come to a halt
2. To put an end to what one is doing; cease

i never consider the word 'stop' to be such a lonely word nor did i expect it to be a word that i am going to hate for the rest of my senseless life. not until today...this word just f*cks everything up. this damn word made me cry for several hours, it didn't made me sleep, it took out the smile on my face and i can't even get this f*cking word out of my stupid head. i'm currently in this f*uckin 'stop' mode and i don't know if can start all over again. damn it, this word sucks. arrrgghhh!


Sunday, September 28, 2008

just a thought...

It's an enigma when you fall in love and accept that some good things never last and some don't even start. Suddenly, you'll begin to see yourself as nothing. It's an agony to accept that despite the feelings you have, it's all not enough. But when you love someone, you would do the hardest thing. And yes, it's not going to be easy, but at least you know that what you felt was real.


Wednesday, September 17, 2008

some sunshine

the 'him' that i'm referring to from my previous post (this is not my story...or so i hoped!) once told me that there's really not much sunshine on this blog...well i told him it is because of my theme (life suckz*) but to hell with my theme, today i've decided to put some sunshine on this blog. i've been so happy this past few days (i still am up to this very moment) and here are the reasons why... i've received some text messages from long lost friends and from my best friend JC who's currently in Manila and he said that he's coming home for christmas which is really great. plus jollibee's mushroom and cheese burger is now back and this time it's with crispy bacon on it. i've also been enjoying my sweet freedom for a couple of months now which is awesome because i can do whatever it is that i wanted to do without any questions and objections from anyone and i intend to keep it this way for the next 2 to 3 years (lol). and lastly i've spent some time with 'him' and that made me very happy, i just dont know if he's happy with it. i'm kinda afraid to ask him though for he might answer 'NO' and i'll be force to stop but anyways im happy, so happy that if ever you'll get to see me these days you will be able to see the unquestionable smile on my face. (hehehe)


Tuesday, September 9, 2008

this is not my story...or so i hoped!

she is a girl who's in love with 'him' for quite some time now. she's madly in love with him, he can't define what he feels for her. she is pessimistic, he is realistic and discreet. she hated unrequited love, but she's swimming to its pool right now. she's enjoying her freedom, he despises commitments. she knew he's waiting for someone not her but she doesn't mind. he said he's keeping his options open. she wanted to be near him at times but she'd rather be contented watching him from afar. she's been trying to move on but she kept on failing after every attempts.

Everytime she sees him, she wish she could run into him and hug him tight and kiss him so sweetly but she doesn't want him to think that she desperately want to be a part of his life because she knew that he's not ready for it (or will he ever be?). she asked for permission if she could wait for him, he told her not to but she's stubborn and opted to wait anyway. she's afraid she might push him away but thinks that she's already doing it. she's too afraid that the story would just end before it could actually begins. how she wish she could show to him how much she loves him and how much she cares for him. how she long to whisper 'i love you' to his ears but she's afraid of the rejection that she might see in his eyes for it is going to struck her like lightning but she's hoping that one day she could say it anyway. she doesn't want him to think that he's hurting her, she doesn't want him to think that it's his fault because it is going to hurt her more. she believed in fairy tales, he doesn't believe in happy endings and ever after. what's in store for them? if i am going to put an end to this story, in a pessimist's view the ending is going to be tragically beautiful. Again, this is not my story...or so i hoped!


Sunday, September 7, 2008

instant coffee, instant noodles, instant bestfriend???

"when the going gets tough, i'll light some cigarettes and will just puff my troubles away." part of this line is actually borrowed from my Instant Bestfriend. yeah, you've read it right. so much like an instant coffee, instant noodles and instant internet connection. (giggle)

instant because we barely knew each other but i know i can trust him and i bet he feels the same for me too (that's what i think). he was there for me when i really need some nicotine on my lungs and smoke on my system just so i could ease my trouble mind. when my tears were about to fall he was there to stop it from falling and he has this crazy way of stopping it. he told me that if ever he's going to see a single tear run down my face he will surely lick my tear away. (lol) he can also tell if i'm just faking my smile (i usually fake a smile so people would think that i'm happy).

to my instant best friend you know who you are, you surely deserve some space on this blog and though our life is like a circus (and it's cicle) at least we're enjoying the ride!!! (tagay)


Saturday, September 6, 2008

a tribute to my fave duo

my sister and i went to warren's dvd shop last friday and i was kinda amazed by what i've found out during my trip to the cartoon section. Oh good lord! i must have been watching cartoons all my life because i've already seen almost all of the cartoon dvd's available on the stand. well, i love watching cartoons even until now, it makes me forget about everything. as i was browsing i've noticed this old school beavis and butt-head CD sitting on a stand right next to some oldies cartoons. i suddenly remember high school days, drinking coke, eating chiz curls and watching beavis and butt-head while lying in bed.

something about beavis and butt-head from wiki:

Beavis and Butt-head is an American animated television series created by Mike Judge. After the success of Judge's short film entitled Frog Baseball, which starred the characters Beavis and Butt-head and was featured in an episode of Liquid Television, the cable television channel MTV signed Judge to create a series with the same characters. The series aired from March 8, 1993 to November 28, 1997. It is rated TV-14 in the United States. Reruns of the series are currently airing on MTV2, and occasionally on Comedy Central.

In 1996, the series was spun off into an animated feature film, Beavis and Butt-Head Do America.

The show centers on a pair of teenagers, Beavis and Butt-head, who live in the fictional town of Highland. They while away their time in sarcastic conversation, fantasizing about sex and masculinity, although they have no real-world experience with either thing. They attend Highland High (based on a real high school in Albuquerque, New Mexico, where Judge grew up) and occasionally work at part-time jobs, putting as little effort as possible into everything they do. They survive their misadventures without serious consequences, and with a generally contented, though critical (not apathetic) worldview. During each episode, Beavis and Butt-head watch and make fun of two or three music videos.

about beavis:
Has an underbite and a fixated stare on his face, which is almost always shown in profile. Beavis grunts when he laughs, has a grainy, gutteral voice and has a penchant for picking his nose. The more excitable of the two, he is oblivious to the obvious and slightly nicer overall than Butt-head. He is often abused physically, either by Butt-head or various other characters whom he infuriates. He usually takes every beating and screams in pain before quickly reverting back to his trademark laugh. Before controversy erupted (see below) he exhibited an obsession with fire, as well as other psychotic tendencies (one episode showed that he has voices in his head telling him to engage in destructive activities); however, generally he has a passive demeanor in contrast to Butt-head's dominant personality. Beavis also has an alter ego named The Great Cornholio, who usually surfaces after he consumes large quantities of caffeine and/or sugar. Beavis was named after Bobby Beavis, a boy who lived in the same neighborhood as Mike Judge during Judge's time in college. Judge states, however, that it was only the name that he gave to Beavis, and that Bobby was nothing like Beavis at all.

about butt-head:
Wears dental braces and has squinty eyes and a drooping nose with prominent nostrils. His top gums are often exposed due to a small upper lip, and he speaks nasally with a deep voice and a slight lisp. He begins almost every statement with "Uhhhhhh..." and ends with a short laugh. Calmer, and cockier. Butt-head is oblivious to subtleties, but is usually 100% confident in everything he says and does, no matter how ridiculous or frivolous it is. The designated "leader" of the duo, he derives pleasure from being regularly abusive to Beavis. Mike Judge got the idea for the name Butt-head from two people he knew during his childhood called "Iron Butt" (who would encourage people to kick him in the butt to demonstrate his strength) and "Butt-head".


Sunday, August 31, 2008

i really didn't mean to...

finally I've decided to write something about what's happening to me lately, it has been a long time...i know. lately I've discovered that i could have the guts to tell someone what i feel though i know that he will never ever feel the same. hearing those words coming straight from him made me sick (y'all know what i mean). i never thought that the feeling of being rejected could be this painful but then again i have to deal with it.

Did i made it sound like he's a bad person? No, i really don't think he is, though we usually argue about it. I know his heart is made of steel but then again i still believe that there's more to that hard shell than what my eyes can see. After all, I've fallen in love with him in the first place. I have this list that goes on like forever for things that i love about him. things like his shirt, his ears, his slippers, shoes, cap, his hair, the way he drinks his coke, the way he puffed his cigarette, the way he sings and even the way he dance, the way he talk and the list goes on...

i believe he's a blessing in disguise though, for he made me realized something. He made me realized that jumping into a relationship is really not a good idea (not at all), come to think of it I've been through a lot of failed relationships too. the good thing about what happened is that I've learned to love without expecting an inch of love in return and it feels good, I've come to enjoy life a little bit more, I've learned to appreciate all of the pain that the world is causing me. I'm just hoping that he'll forgive me, for i really didn't mean to fall.


Thursday, July 17, 2008

hello blog


it's been a while since my last post, well here i am again!