lifeless

WARNING: this is an emo (emotional) post, don't read if you do not want to...LOL.

how can i still be breathing and feel so lifeless? life seems so empty, dull, futile. everything seems to be so depressing, everything just seems so dead. these past few days i've been thinking about my fears and was looking for the right person to help me overcome them...what i didn't know is that there are things which are worst than my fears. these are the things which i should have been afraid of in the first place. why didn't it ever cross my mind?

just today i have answered this question. it didn't cross my mind because i believe in it...i believe in everything but just as when i was trying to claim it, it is no longer there. where is it? where would i be able to find it? can i still claim it? i know i should stop asking a lot of questions because no one's going to answer them. if only i could burry and forget about it, but i can't. i've forced myself into making a decision which is against my will and i know i am going to regret it for the rest of my life. i wanted to ask for forgiveness, i wanted to scream "i'm sorry i'm not going to be that stupid ever again" but i don't know if the clouds are still willing to listen to all of this. i've tried begging but the clouds already took away the sunshine. and now i'm lost, i don't know if i am already dead or just a spirit walking soon to find out that she's already dead.